My Englishman and I a few weekends ago.
I’ve come to make a decent amount of money as I have climbed the Nursing ladder throughout the years, so you would think buying myself clothes wouldn’t be a big deal. The truth is, that in a lot of ways I am a very basic girl when it comes to clothes. Especially my everyday clothes. Don’t get me wrong, I will spend money on an item that is worth it, that item that speaks to my heart directly. But this usually includes heels or dressy clothes.
W/ my frugal ways in the last year I haven’t really spent money on my casual day to day attire. So yesterday I treated myself. I told myself I will treat myself to an item for my “casual days” once a month. And I am happy I spent on myself yesterday.
Now I don’t want you to think that I don’t spend at all because I do. I treated myself to a 49ers game this weekend w/ my Englishman. I also get bi-weekly manicures and pedicures, so I do spoil myself. I guess I just needed a wardrobe change. Which reminds me I should probably start cleaning out what I haven’t worn in months.
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#LosAngeles #LA #LAlife #DTLA #DowntownLosAngeles #CityOfAngels #SoCal
I have several best friends and I love them all, but Ms Organic is my 1st best friend EVER. We have a lot of childhood memories together and now are embarking on a lot of “motherhood” memories together. I have no kids but she has two lovely little girls. I visited her yesterday and like always we talked for hours. We talked about how she ended up w/ her hubby. She fought him off initially but fell for him eventually. We talked about how helpful he is w/ their two kids. He was working while we were chatting so we could laugh at the times she was trying to avoid him before they fell in love.
She then told me that she sees that my Englishman could possibly be “THE ONE”. Ms organic states that she can see that he is in love w/ me. She even went as far as to say everyone sees it. It warmed my heart to see her so happy for me. I love this girl and I know she loves me too so I believe her when she says its makes her happy to see me w/ him. She then started talking about our future babies and how beautiful we would make them. I smiled. I shared w/ her the fact that he and I have talked about moving in once our leases are up. She almost jumped w/ delight at the news. (Pretty much everyone’s reaction to the news) She said she gave us her blessing because he is it for me. I kind of know he is it for me too. He is the complete package! And I love how hard working he is, especially when he has his reading glasses in front of his laptop, yummy. Ok I am getting off topic here.
Although I myself do not feel ready to have children yet even at my age of 31, I know that one day when I do decide to have children it will be w/ him. To know that my friends accept him and love him for me validates that I have picked the right man. And Ms Organic, who has seen me have my first crush and everything that came after that throughout the years has given me the go ahead w/ my next step in my relationship w/ the Englishman. I could not ask for more.
Ugh, I was doing so well and now I have relapsed. After months w/out it, I have fallen victim of soda. It started one night as I was having Korean BBQ w/ one of my girlfriends in KTown here in LA. It tasted so good. And then two weeks later, I had some more after a juicy gourmet burger. Oh god!
This weekend my Englishman and I went up to Mammoth Lakes to get away from the Los Angeles City life and while having a meal I told him I would order soda to go w/ the meal I was about to have because I guess I felt no other drink would go w/ it. He quickly told me that is what I had been saying to every dinner we were having out in Mammoth.
I looked at him and said, “Damn. I have relapsed bad and I didn’t even see it!” So, today I pledge to quit soda again. I relapsed and will try hard not to again. But if I do, I will start my free soda days as many times as I need to.
Work in progress.
In my last blog post I stated how confused and scared I was about my relationship. And some of you asked what did the Englishman say to make me feel this way. My apologies, I didn’t realize I left that out completely. A few weeks ago when we were celebrating my friends birthday he told me how he wasn’t sure I was the one. He was drunk as my friends were as well. He told me he loved me but I made him wait and gave him the runaround that he is being super cautious w/ me. I told him that night that I understood why he was maybe being cautious as for 8 months I did not give him any clear signals as to what I wanted, yet he stayed and waited. I came to my senses eventually in February and I asked him to officially be my guy.
Well, if you are anything like me then you run w/ it. And I did. We are happy and he shows me how much he loves day in and day out. But I ran w/ “I’m not sure you are the one”. I started to question if I should be slowing down. I started to think what if one day he bolts because of what he told me. He realizes that I am not the one. I spoke to him regarding my fears and he quickly told me to forget what he said that night. He reminded me he was drunk and what he was saying was his fear of me bolting since I gave him the runaround for so many months before I made up my mind. He told me he has never loved anyone as much as he loves me which is very reassuring. He is taking me to Europe to meet his family and friends. he told me that shows me that he is all in. But he did say he is more reserved w/ me than in his last relationships because I was so difficult in the beginning.
He told me if he wasn’t happy w/ me then he wouldn’t have my coffee ready for me in the mornings when we stay together or cook me dinner while I sleep on the sofa (I need to change this). He also asked me to consider moving in w/ him when our leases for our current apartments are up. I guess he has addressed my fears.
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I sometimes feel my Englishman is “the one” but then he says things that make me think maybe I should slow down. He treats me like a queen and I adore him for that. But I think I’ve fallen way too fast. He is being cautious w/ me maybe I don’t know. Especially since I gave him the runaround in the beginning.
Before him I wouldn’t let myself feel more than the minimal most of the time. And I did that w/ him in the beginning. Now I feel I am way over my head. So like him I too need to be cautious. He told me something when he was drunk a few weeks ago that made me start to question the speed that I was allowing myself to feel for the first time since I was 17. He says I shouldn’t look to much into that as he was drunk and remembers vaguely. But isn’t it that when one is drunk one speaks the truth?
It’s hard for me to not go on safe mode. I love him but I don’t want to get hurt if he decides to not be w/ me in the future. Maybe I’m being pessimistic but I can’t ignore what he told me that night. It’s so confusing because he asked if I would consider moving in w/ him once our leases were up. And I would consider it. The idea of being w/ him on a daily basis makes me happy BUT he has lived w/ someone before and it didn’t work out. I’d hate to take this enormous step w/ him and fail. I always said that the day I’d live w/ someone it’s because they are it for me. But what he told me that night haunts me even though he says it was nothing.
I’m not sure what to feel. Should I allow myself to keep falling more and more in love w/ him? Or should I go on safe mode/cruise control to protect my heart? Would I not be thinking these things if he had not told me what he did at my friends birthday? I’m confused now.
I will try my hardest to look past this and not let it affect my relationship w/ him. I will try to slow down but not too slow. Slow down enough to minimize my anxiety at least.
#LA #LosAngeles #CityOfAngels #SanPedro #LAlife #SoCal #PortOCall